I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
