Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
