Non-Jews are for practice
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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