The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
