I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Quick, to the slutcave!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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