This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you would pick up someone in the library
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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