Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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