why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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