This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
