he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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