To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
