went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
