Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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