a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
