You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Randomize
