She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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