There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
