If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
