I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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