I wanna bring you to show and tell
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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