I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
