Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
