There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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