i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
