A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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