You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
