You really coming over, don't trick.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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