I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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