In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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