Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
