i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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