i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
