I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
