We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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