Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
