I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
