That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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