You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
