the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I would ride that face into the sunset
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
