i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
