I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
