Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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