she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
