Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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