dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
