I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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