I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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