Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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