I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
