my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
