the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
