You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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